Time for Me

I need to connect with myself. As a young child I did this many summer mornings, lying on the still dewy ground among the aromatic wild grasses and flowers in the meadow close to home. The soft rustling of the plants in the humid breeze and the hum of birds and insects cavorting around me registered, but I was lost with my imagination as I watched the clouds form pictures in the skies overhead.

As a young adult I re-embraced my love of horses, purchasing two and riding almost daily—for hours. I found that the time spent grooming, training and riding my horses brought quiet contentment after the relentless grind of selling diagnostic equipment to labs and hospitals. I loved mashing my face into and breathing in the fragrant coat of my horse, before and after riding, storing that unique scent within my being, along with the rhythm of riding. And I called on those memories when I was unable ride due to weather or my schedule.

Upon becoming a mother, my outlets to center myself began to disappear. After J arrived home I sold Spencer (my gelding). I soon followed with the sale of Persephone—my mare, who I had raised and trained from foalhood. Although joyously vested in parenting my two, and soon welcoming A, and then G home, I felt disconnected from me.

I guess my hubby knew me better than I knew myself. He sensed the disconnect within me and encouraged me to write, and so I did. And after getting over my fear I discovered that writing “centers” me, similar to when I use to ride and watch the heavens. I also realized that writing gave me a voice.

It is challenging to find the time to write for any concentrated time, so I have to schedule it.  I was fortunate to have four days of concentrated writing in Austin at the Stories from The Heart conference, created by Story Circle Network for the purpose of women sharing stories through reading and writing. My proposal was accepted, so I taught a workshop on blogging. I also coached other writers, wrote in other sessions, connected with old friends and met new ones, cried and laughed with “sisters,” and read at open mike night. Despite the delayed and bumpy flight home, I arrived home kinda “noodley,” feeling inspired, creative, and renewed. Connected to myself. Centered.

Connecting with self is important. We need to replenish. We need to center. What “does it” for you? Schedule some time. For yourself. Soon.

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8 Comments

Filed under Events, The International Mom, Writing

8 responses to “Time for Me

  1. I’m like you. Well, not with the horses, though you write about them beautifully. I write to claim my own space. And when I don’t write? I can feel my sanity slipping away.

  2. I didn’t know you were a horse person! And I can totally see you lying in a meadow, watching the clouds. You have that calm and stability about you that comes from communing with nature.

    So true that we need to go to the well once in awhile, whatever that may be.

  3. Susanne

    This might be a sign?? I had just voiced to one of my friends this week, of how I would love to write. I love to read, but there never seems to be enough time. Knitting at times is relaxing too. So, I think I will make the time and get over my fear and just start. Thanks for the encouragement.

    • Susanne,
      My ache to have time for myself heightens every year as school draws to a close. I feel particularly “frenzied.” So looking forward to summer months and no schedule.

  4. Knitting is my centering right now. The repetitive motion, the click of the needles, the amazing things that you can create with two sticks and some string – all of these things help reconnect. Sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I talk with friends, but best of all is knitting alone in silence. Thanks for such a necessary reminder.

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