We Are Family

Sometimes we forget that we don’t have solely biological “ties” within our family. The facts of “born into” and “adopted into” are blurred. They hold no importance, other than they are part of our family story and culture.

Sometimes we fail to see how much we do differ when with each other. We dwell deeper, seeking and recognizing the essence encased within the skin and features of the child or adult we know, love and respect. Despite our differences we are more alike than not.

We take it for granted that others outside of family and friends “see” those invisible threads and how we interconnect and transect. Typically they don’t because we are reminded of that by a look, a comment or a question. Such is the territory of transracial and multiracial families. Conspicuous families.

What adults and children question and comment on unifies us because we are forced to confront and talk over why those questions and comments arise and how we feel and address them. Being in the position of having to validate the legitimacy of our family on a regular basis provides the opportunity to claim our children and each other over and over again. Claiming says:

“You belong.”

 “You matter.”

  “I value you.”

We are family. A husband and wife, mom and dad, sons and daughters, and brothers and sisters. Created through marriage, birth and adoption. The threads of love, compassion, understanding, support, and grace weave through our souls, binding us together.



Filed under Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Claiming, Family, Multicultural Families, The International Mom

8 responses to “We Are Family

  1. Wow. I just came back and read this again. I love the thought that each time we have to explain our family’s origins, it’s an opportunity to reunite as a family. Thanks for giving me a new way to view those frustrating questions/moments.

  2. I love this post – you inspire me! 🙂

  3. Judy ~ I love this. I especially love how you turn what can be hurtful moments into re-claiming..really beautiful!

  4. Jen

    This was so beautiful. It actually brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for writing something so amazing for all of us to read. What a pleasant way to start my day.

  5. Erika Leaf

    I love the phrase “conspicuous family”. That’s a good way to tell the story of suddenly being visible externally for something that has become irrelevant among ourselves, and the conversations and inner work that unfolds from being jolted by one’s conspicuousness. Thank you for writing this blog and kudos to your kids for letting you mention them in it.

    mom of Ben (9), Jessie (15) and Becca (20)

    • theinternationalmom

      Thank you for sharing your thought, Erika. My kids read the posts before I “publish.” I hear if anyone gets too much attention. I’ll let them know… ; )

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