Within a matter of days I watched my son spiral out of control. We had sent him to his room for the evening and he had finally fallen asleep, exhausted from his screaming and crying. This was the third day out of four that he had gone into a fit of rage. I had cuts on my wrists from being scratched as I had tried to calm him. My emotive son had never been physical before and I was concerned.
Greyson woke the next morning, quiet and hungry. He was silent during the ride to school. I was sure there’d be another call from school that day, but there wasn’t. Upon picking him up that afternoon he was still quiet.
I pulled over to a side street and said, “Come here.”
Greyson unfastened his seat belt and came up to me. I could see that he was felt badly about his behavior and that he was confused, “I’m sorry Mommy. I was so mad.”
He needed a big hug and so did I.
“Why were you so mad? What’s going on?” I asked, “Greyson; is this about being adopted?”
Jeez… Tears started running down his cheeks, “I miss Guatemala. I want to know Guatemala. What does it smell like?”
We were going to be a little late picking up the girls, but this was important. I pulled him into my arms and onto my lap, “Guatemala smells green and wet and good. Guatemala is beautiful and vibrates with life.”
And, as he sat there on my lap, I told him more of his birth country and I felt him relax and engage. We moved from there to adoption and how important it was that we talk, especially because there will be times when he is angry, sad, unsure, or can’t find the words to express how he feels.
Greyson’s need to connect with his birth country is becoming stronger as he moves into his tween years. We will travel there soon. Until then, I hope that looking at pictures from his baby books, reading and talking about Guatemala, and discussing adoption will answer a lot of questions and give him some sense of connection.