Please…Don’t Stare

When together my kids are usually focused on something else—swept away by the latest discovery of a critter that has appeared in our yard, some game in- or outside, or learning a new song from an iPod via the communal sharing of ear buds. My kids spend a lot of time together because they want to. They enjoy each other’s company and I feel that is remarkable given the age span of nine years between the four of them.

But sometimes there are moments when they are out of their world and with me. Sometimes the real world intrudes and they notice the unabashed stares directed at us.  

Aubry said just the other night, “I don’t like people staring at us. Why do they do that?”

My answer was that we are a multiracial family. And her response was, “So what?”

Well, the “so what” is that what we know as “normal” is not necessarily perceived as such outside of the loving nurturing circle of our family, extended family and friends. People judge. Communities and family experts judge. And yes, there are those within the adoption triad that judge too.

Please don’t stare. And don’t make assumptions. Mark and I adopted for a very selfish reason; we wanted more children.

Can you help? When you see a family like ours, where there are obvious racial differences, please don’t stare but look deeper with your senses and you’ll see discover a family—in every sense of the word.



Filed under Adoption Issues, Advocacy, Multicultural Families, The International Mom

6 responses to “Please…Don’t Stare

  1. rps2012

    I know I already commented on your blog but I just had to see this is *so* true. There are 5 kids in my family and both of my brothers and I are adopted and my sisters are biological. One of my brothers and I are from Latin America so we have the olive skin/black hair thing going on. My sisters and other brother (adopted from the USA) are Caucasion (as are our parents) with brown hair. It does get frustrating the way people stare or make silly comments based upon racial differences.

  2. My family was stared at when I was younger because my sister was intellectually disabled. She looked different because she was – especially when she threw a tantrum in the supermarket. (Oh, I cringe when I remember those horrible days!) So, I totally understand the ‘No stare’ rule and implement it regularly. However, as a prospective adoptive parent, I often have to watch myself as I stare longingly at a multiracial family… because that’s what I am waiting for. 🙂

  3. mary

    Sometimes a stare isn’t a bad thing. I sometimes look at families because they are so beautiful, so happy.

  4. Amen! great post, and beautiful kids too 🙂

  5. Jen

    So beautifully expressed and written.

  6. Amen, Judy! What you all have is a beautiful unity of love & spirit.

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