I remember each adoption. I was thrilled. I remember the deliberateness, the thought we put into each, and how we listened to our hearts and were guided by something bigger than us.
We were drawn to China. The pull was unbelievably powerful, like a magnet. At that time, China’s policy was that parents would be given a child with special needs (and these needs were spelled out) if they already had a child. We had Holden, so we fell under this policy.
Quite frankly, the policy scared me. I tried to turn away from China, not knowing if I had what it could take to parent a child with special needs. Mark was unsure as well. We sat and had tearful discussions and concluded that we couldn’t turn away from China. For whatever reason, our hearts were there. Our daughter was there. After researching seventy agencies, we found the one that resonated with us and had our paperwork ready within two months.
The emotions and sensations of pregnancy surfaced again and although they surprised me, I welcomed them. We readied the house and her room. We prepared Holden, who was so enthusiastic that there wasn’t much else he could talk about.
I was given baby showers. Our baby’s referral came in August and I remember breaking down, sobbing into a puddle, as I looked at the picture of my daughter that I had just pulled out of the red envelope. Ten months from our dossier date I held our beautiful healthy Josi.