Years ago I met a very close friend over dinner and a glass of wine to discuss the possibility of her adopting. We talked about so much that evening, but the big topic was attachment disorder. It was a sticking point for her and her husband. She had been around other parents who had adopted internationally. Some of their children had attachment disorder. I was surprised that she was so concerned about it since she had been part of each of our adoption journeys and our family.
I hadn’t experienced attachment disorder with any of my kids, but I had had other issues come up and we were working though them. She kept going back to it. I finally admitted that it was not my place to convince her to adopt or not, but I did reiterate what she already knew: adoption had made us a family; adoption was a wonderful way to make or expand a family; my kids were my kids and I loved them all with the same sense of rawness and awe. My decision (and my husband’s) to adopt was made because we were followed our hearts.
I asked her, “Why do you want to adopt?”
And she answered that she couldn’t get this baby girl of her head. The feeling was powerful, coming on her suddenly and not letting her go. She couldn’t think of anything else. I’d been there – three times. I asked her, “Where’s your faith?”
She smiled, the smile that made her eyes all sparkly and dreamy, and answered, “You’re right!”
She went back to her husband and they talked a lot. Then they talked some more. I got a phone call a few days later. “We’re going to adopt! How do I decide on an agency?”
I gave her some names of agencies and referrals of friends who were adoptive parents and had used these agencies. I went to play tennis and ended up playing with another friend who owns an agency. I hadn’t given my friend her name because she didn’t work in the country that my friend and her husband had decided to adopt from.
Funny things happen. The agency was getting ready to open the country up. I popped into the agency after tennis to check it out and then called my friend. “You might want to take a look.”
She did and loved them. It felt right. She and her husband worked through the agency and brought their gorgeous baby daughter home months later.
I watch them together and my soul smiles inside, a huge smile – full of joy.