Category Archives: Family Celebrations

2011 Wrap-Up

January: Our year of milestones began with two celebrations—New Years (everyone stayed up late and welcomed in the new year for the first time) and Día de Los Tres Reyes Magos, with a very stale Rosca de Reyes. My bad for buying one instead of making it myself. Josi became a bonafide teenager, and has been steadily working on proving it throughout 2011.  I brought up the rear with an appearance on TogiNet Radio’s Adoption ~ Journey to Motherhood, hosted by Mary Beth Wells. The program centered around one of the classes I teach: Tweens, Teens & Beyond. The half hour flew and I was delighted to not know the format of the show prior to coming on. Wish there had been time for more dialogue… I had a lot to say (per usual).

February ushered in Snowmaggedon and Chinese New Year—the year of the Golden Rabbit, a year in which we were supposed to catch our breath and focus on calm (maybe this year??), and Aubry’s second celestial stem (“second twelve”) of her first life cycle this year (sixty years in Chinese zodiac cycle).

In March Holden turned eighteen, and that added new worries for Mom. I was involved in The Parenting Summit, a free online event that featured video messages from a number of a leading parenting and family experts. The focus of the summit was to share tips and advice on becoming a more effective parent. It was stressful to tape myself; I prefer a live audience… (You guess right if you thought I spoke about transracial parenting and adoption.)

April took us to our beloved Pawleys for our last-in-a-long-time-maybe-ever family vacay, this time with my mother-in-law in tow. We enjoyed the cooler weather at the beach and some respite from a very hectic schedule and the intense focus on Holden’s IB studies and college. Holden made a decision on which college he would attend. (Note: We were, and still are, thrilled with his decision)

May was a terribly emotional roller coaster. We lost Mark’s dad on the 17th, ten years after he had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, while Holden sat for his IB exams.  Our oldest graduated from high school a week later, missing most of the pre-graduation pictures because he had a car accident (he was fine, although shaken up).

The International Dad wrote a guest post in June for Father’s Day.  We also celebrated our 20th anniversary, family-style. The couple-style will be celebrated in 2012… I began weaning myself from asking Holden to pick up the driving slack. The family began to “breathe,” absorbing the slower and quieter pace of life.

July heralded our first ever non-family vacation, if you could call it that. I coined it an orbiting vacation. Josi went to an invitation-only national soccer camp in the south (which is why we went to Pawleys in April), and we stayed on a lake in the next state. It was so sweltering that even the bugs were stopped their bugging. Holden stayed home to work, and yep… Accident. This one totaled the car, although he was fine. There are reasons a mother worries. (He still doesn’t have a car.)

August arrived quickly, and with it professional expansion: The launch of my first micro-published work: What To Expect From Your Adopted Tween, which I wrote because I saw a need to assist parents with ideas and support when their children are entering adolescence, when questions and emotions tied to having been adopted become more complex.

I am thrilled that I wrote and published this e-guide, that it has received wonderful reviews and feedback, that it has sold and continues to sell well, and that it has become an international seller (uh huh! :)).  I also became certified to teach a program—Bringing Baby Home—through the Gottman Institute for new and expecting parents. We took Holden to college, pulling Josi, Aubry and Greyson from school so that we could help alleviate any potential triggers due to separation.

Aubry had her last tweenie birthday in September (difficult for me to believe…).  I presented on four well-received topics at two conferences, in Richmond, VA and Indianapolis, IN.  We began to understand just how tough was going to be with Holden away at college, even though we had Skype, Facebook, Twitter, texting, phones, and emails going constantly. There’s nothing like someone’s presence to alleviate that void.

The big guy (my hubby) celebrated his birthday in October. Holden came home for fall break and it was wonderful to have all of us together. I was very selfish with his time and I won’t apologize for that… (His friends did get plenty of him, too.)

Greyson hit, what we refer to in our home as, the “double-digits” in November.  He became ten. It was huge and wonderful and kinda sad. My baby, so “old.”  To bring awareness to adoption, I participated in The Adoption Interview Project. Thanksgiving was spent in quiet reflection about those who were not with us and gearing up for the coming holiday madness.

December brought the wonderful holiday, special traditions and many, many guests, including Holden’s young lady friend. We’ve eaten dozens of calorie-laden cookies baked by Josi, Aubry and myself as well as enjoyed hours upon hours of downtime, board games and movies.

We stand of the edge of 2011, wishing it farewell as we step forward and welcome 2012 with many friends and their families. Thank you, 2011—for the lessons and the gifts. For the ongoing love and support of family and friends. For replenishing this mama’s well when it has run dry. And for the stamina to do what I love—being a mother, wife, sister, friend, aunt, mentor, teacher, writer, and speaker.

                      ~ Photo (yes, blurry) taken by one of our silly kiddos

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Filed under Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Claiming, Classes with Judy, Family, Family Celebrations, Growing Tweens & Teens, Parenting Your Adopted Child, The International Mom

Time Measured in Love

Today is our twentieth (20th) wedding anniversary!

For some reason, we (Mark and I) are kinda giddy about it. In part, because it signifies that we have been married one-third of the amount of years that his parents were (sixty…yes). But mostly because, well, I still love my husband. More than when I married him, and, trust me, I loved him a lot then. (I feel those heads a-noddin’…)

Twenty years is a long time to spend with someone. And if I add in the time we dated, it is most of my (and his) lifetime. Twenty years has flown, because we have measured it in the growth of our family and development of our children, in friendships, and in joy and love.

I pray for another twenty and for continued good health, compassion and empathy, open communication, sharing of dreams, laughter, joy, growing wisdom, appreciation, friendship, and love. We are the role models for our children and others who know us. It is possible.

Happy anniversary, babe!

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Filed under Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Family, Family Celebrations, The International Mom

The Words of A Father

This is a post from me and my hubby Mark, The International Dad. :) This post is targeted to all fathers—those that are, those that will be soon, and those who are thinking fatherhood might be somewhere in the future, even if wayyyyyy down the road.

Before I share Mark’s thoughts I do want to say that becoming a father was always part of his(our) plan and adoption was part of it. With complete bias, I feel Mark is a superb father. Mark had a great role model in his father, who we lost on May 17th, and he has taken those lessons and improved upon them.

There is no other role in which Mark is as proud of or embraces more than being a father. When I think of my husband, a number of qualities jump to the forefront: a groundedness in principles and values, empathy, the ability to let his children learn from life’s lessons (correcting if necessary or catching them if they fall), and a profound capacity to love unconditionally.

From the International Dad:

“I am the proud father of four children. Each of which had their own unique path into our hearts and our lives.  In reflection, I’ve often tried to find the words to help those of us of the male persuasion to come to terms with the adoption process. 

Speaking as a father of a biological son as well as three children who were adopted, I thought maybe I could help perspective fathers sort through the myriad of thoughts that go through male minds.  I decided to speak to three thoughts for the fathers and prospective fathers of the world.

  • There is no difference in the love you feel for a child, adopted or biological.  I remember the warmth and love I felt for my son in the delivery room and thinking I could not love more than what I feel for this child.  I was wrong; the first time my oldest daughter greeted me in the hallway upon coming home from work dropped me to my knees as if I had just been sucker-punched.  The moments I watched my younger daughter smile uncontrollably, as she experienced the wonder of dance, or my youngest son giving me a thumbs up and a smile as he scored his first goal are memories I cherish.  A greater love for one over the other, I don’t think so.
  • Open your heart and mind, as wide as you think is possible, and then let it loose. If you truly can do this, the amount of love and kindness will be returned tenfold.  I can think of no greater love than that given by a child. This is truly the purest gift one can receive, one that has no expectations whatsoever of getting anything in return.
  • Do not put undo pressure on yourself as to how to be the greatest dad on earth. I was given a book by my wife when my son was born.  The book asks children what every daddy should know in order to get along with his children.  An eight year old replied, “You need to remember that you should spend as much time as can with your children, because sooner or later, they will be too old to run races against them.”  I think about this every day, not always doing the best job at it, but as a constant reminder. Keep it simple and love them!

I have been blessed in many ways during my life, none greater than having my wife and children to share all that it has to offer.  I believe as my wife does, that we do not choose our path in life, but are only given options that affect the outcome. To go along with that I believe that we don’t choose our children, but in fact they choose us.  I’m glad all of mine found their way home.”

To all you fine men out there, who help parent our future generation, thank you and Happy Father’s Day!

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Filed under Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Claiming, Family, Family Celebrations, Multiracial Families, The International Mom