Monthly Archives: September 2009

I Fall in Love Over and Over Again

I fell in love with him when he was less than the size of a grain of rice. Barely a concept that I could get my head around. Practically a non-entity.P9050030

I fell in love with him as he used me as his personal customized gym. It seemed as though he needed more room and I was hard-pressed to find it. Sometimes it hurt as he tumbled and twisted.

I fell in love with him he was pulled from my body, red, angry and hollering to be back in the wombed warmth.

I fell in love with him as my eyes poured over his newness, checking every millimeter of his body. Amazed at the miracle he was. Perfect in my eyes.

I fell in love with him as he observed me, on some level understanding that this was not our first meeting, only a different perspective. We had known each other in an impossibly intimate way that defied explanation. He eyes were youthful, yet old and wise. My teacher had arrived.

I fell in love with him as he snuggled up close, comfortable in the crook of my neck. His dark downy head and infant breath warmed my skin. Being inside of me was no longer an option. We ached for that connection that was uniquely ours. This was next best thing for both of us. We adjusted.

I fell in love with him as he nourished himself from my body, in awe that he thrived and grew because of what I could provide for him.

I fell in love with him as he hit his milestones, each on the early side. He showed a tendency for gathering and exploration. His quest for knowledge knew no boundaries (and still doesn’t). Why, How, What, When, Where and How Come peppered his speech. He was an archaeologist in pursuit of answers.

I fell in love with him when my mother (his Lizzie) died. He took my hand and, with it, my shattered heart, asking me to pray with him for her.

I fell in love with him as he, without hesitation,  took each of his siblings out of my arms in order to claim them as his, to pridefully show-and-tell anyone who would pay attention that these babies were his brother and sisters.

I fell in love with him upon hearing that he had escorted an elderly man across the street, without being prompted, with all of the patience and concern of a mature adult.

I fell in love with him when I witnessed him reach out to a Hispanic man in need of help with directions. In Spanish he gave a thorough explanation and drew an accompanying map.

I fell in love with him as he periodically checked up on his cousin circling around the drain of crisis. 

I fell in love with him as he kept a calm head after an accident. It wasn’t easy have composure while an out of control man ranted threats and angry racial epitaphs at him.

I fell in love with him last night as all of his lanky six-foot-two hugged me and wished me a good night.

I fell in love with him again as called me this morning from school, “Mom, I missed you before I left for school. I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

I love you too. More than you can ever know.

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Filed under Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Multicultural Families, Parenting, The International Mom

Gotcha Day? Not in my family…

P8140041At the risk of upsetting the adoption experts’ apple cart, I wanted to share this little tidbit. We don’t celebrate Gotcha Day, Family Day, Forever Family Day, Adoption Day, or any other day that focuses on the adoption of our children. We made this decision long before we became adoptive parents.  As a family blended by birth and adoption, we felt it was not right to exclude anyone. By celebrating, we would have excluded our child by birth.

I appreciate the profound emotions that adoptive parents have for their children. I am one of them. I have walked this journey more than once. It began in hell. It ended in heaven.

My thoughts on the Gotcha Day are these:

  • While their intentions are noble, are adoptive parents actually creating more issues for their children as they grow older?
  • Are they focusing too much on how their children came to them? On how they became a family?
  • By celebrating such a day, are they themselves making adoption an issue for their child?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I firmly believe adoption should be disclosed and discussed from the get-go, in sensitive and age appropriate language. I also believe that the conversation needs to be open and you  (the parent) need to be in the moment with your child as you have these critical conversations (many unplanned – at least in my family).  And, as my children enter their teen years, the discussions evolve. Talk turns to how we are just two parts of the three (a.k.a. the adoption triad). The third, although unknown to us, is present in front of me - living through my child. We (my child and I) focus on acknowledging and embracing the third and making peace with it, assimilating it all into one well-adjusted confident person.

My family celebrates family every day, taking joy and pride in what we are – a blended group of human beings that have been brought together, through marriage, birth, and adoption and across oceans from different parts of the world. A family that deeply loves, respects, and is grateful for each member. That, we got…

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Filed under Adoption Issues, Adoptive Mom's Perspective, Advocacy, International Adoption, Multicultural Families, Parenting, The International Mom

Love Books?

These are the last days of The Writer Mama Back-to-School Giveaway. Writer Mama Back to School Giveaway

For the third year in a row, The Writer Mama, Christina Katz, is giving away thirty books in thirty days. All you have to do to participate is answer the question that Christina will pose daily. One lucky winner will win each day. There is no limit to how many times you can enter. The drawing is for U.S. residents. You don’t have to be a mom, but of course, the event is created with moms in mind, so please tell all the writer mamas you know!

Visit Christina daily and see what great books she is giving away – and spread the word!

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Filed under Christina Katz, Writing